we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I could fuck to npr.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
