You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
