Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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