the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
