we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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