I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
