I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
