Your tits are I can't wait for
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
