i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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