Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
