drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize