Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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