I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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