You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Bring me that man meat
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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