you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
