Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no more duck duck goose at the bar
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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