Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
