i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize