I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
