When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
