hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
