So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
