We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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