My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
