Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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