a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
