Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
