I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
