So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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