I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
