did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
