whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
