honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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