sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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