How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
