What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
