Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
