I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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