I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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