so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
