Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
