I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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