just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
