Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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