Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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