youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
