I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
