He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
