You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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