while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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