Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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