I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize