why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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