is your mom at the bar?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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