Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
