So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
