Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
