Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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