R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
