3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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