We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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