i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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