I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
