I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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