May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
