Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
