my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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