I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
