when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
